I have been dating this very nice man for about five months now. We’ve both been divorced for several years and are in our active early 50’s. In fact, we went waterskiing for our last date! We both have adult children but he still has a teenager at home who he shares custody with. We seem to get along well with one another’s kids which is great.
We have one big issue, however, and that is time. We both have expressed genuine love for one another. We have agreed to put off living together. But I feel like I am asking for more time than he has to offer. We can discuss things but we keep running into this snag of Wednesdays. He initially agreed to save Wednesday nights for me -- but for the past four Wednesdays something has come up and he has had to cancel. He’s sorry about it, but I get very disappointed and secretly angry. I felt a little better when he told me the misses were primarily because of his teenage son suddenly becoming available or needing him to do something with or for him. Darn, why did I insist on dating only guys who were great parents! (half kidding). Seriously, am I being a spoiled brat to expect him to keep his word to me about our time together ?
In love but wondering?
- Huger SC
How fortunate that you have found someone you love and who is equally as active as you are. That is vitally important. It is normal to want to spend as much time together as you can and important to do that in as many settings as possible to learn as much as you can about the other person. Are you being a brat to expect those Wednesdays? Not really because he did agree to do that. However, to be an appropriately healthy adult in a relationship, we must be flexible and understanding. You are in two different worlds if he still has a teenager at home. (translation--when you can manage to be in the house at the same time with the teenager to maintain a good relationship. ) Your male friend may have promised more than he can deliver when it comes to opportunities to be with his son--a fleeting opportunity. You would not want him to resent you later for demanding this precious time. It is great (essential) you can talk about things. Watch out for “secret anger” because you may be just being nice for the moment but that often builds up into an explosion later over something totally unrelated.
Talk about alternative times and opportunities and encourage (insist) on the truth about why either of you might cancel. Trust is the essential ingredient for a good marriage. And my readers know that I would insist (!) that any couple planning to marry engage in good proactive marriage counseling! It reduces the divorce rate considerably and allows you to leave baggage in the past that would otherwise contaminate and set up agreements for your life together that will create a much more harmonious home with healthy communication and problem solving skills.
Wishing you all the best. I love this quote.
“If you aren’t happy being single
You will never be happy in a relationship. Get your own life and love it first. Then Share it.
Love when you are ready.
Not when you are lonely.”